Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
