go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
