Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What a dumb baby whore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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