Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
