Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
