What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
