Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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