Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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