Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
