I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
