I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
