am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
