dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize