so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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