Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
