Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
