That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
