Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
