my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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