What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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