Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
