i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
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I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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