You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
