Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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