i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
