Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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