We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
