I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
