So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
