There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
