You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
