you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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