it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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