I met the friendliest cop last night
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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