I think I died a long time ago.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
