I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
And then he peed in my hair
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