i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
