Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
