i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
