Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
