i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
