The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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