Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
