I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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