i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
