No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
