I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
