its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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