I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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