she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
