I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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