I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think i have herpe
just one?
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found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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