My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize