using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
