do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
