I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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