You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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