you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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