Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
