When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
