I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
