Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
