i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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