Quick, to the slutcave!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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