Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
this is an emotional support booty call
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
