I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
