He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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