i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
